Herd of Buffaloes

Dean and Jerry were riding a train across the west. Jerry looked out the window and saw a whole lot of buffalo roaming the range. Look at the buch of buffalo said Jerry.
Dean: Don't say bunch, say herd.
Jerry: Herd what.
Dean: Herd of Buffalo
Jerry: Sure, I have heard of buffalo.
Dean: No, a buffalo herd.
Jerry: I don't care what a buffalo heard I ain't said nothing that I'm ashamed of.

Source : The Himalayan Times

I need some rest

The boss asked a clerk who was working in his office, "Well why didn't you take any holidays this year?' The clerk replied,'Sir, I needed some rest.'

How to get the key?

Leo and Sam exited and locket the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Leo asked, "Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it?""No, that won't work" answered Sam. "People will think we're trying to break in." Then Leo suggested,"What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull the lock?" "No,"said Sam. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger.""Well," sighed Leo, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain, and the sun roof is open!"

Surprised boy!

Once there was a boy with supernatural power whose words could come real. But he could not do anything for his study and his father beat him hard for failing the exam. The boy was so angry that he said, "My damn father will die tomorrow." Early the next morning, there was crying voices coming from outside. And the boy was shocked to notice that one of his neighborhood man had died the morning.

A Drunk and a Preacher...

A drunk and a preacher were driving up a mountainside in different vehicles. The drunk was swerving from side to side; the preacher was driving straight and true. All of a sudden, the preacher lost control and drove off the edge of a cliff.
The drunk noticed the preacher going off the edge, so he stopped his car and went to see if he was all right. He noticed the preacher was climbing up the hillside. He yelled down at the preacher,"Are you alright?"
And the preacher replied, "Have no fear my son, I had the Lord riding with me."
The drunk then yelled back, "You had better let him ride with me next time cuz you gonna get him killed.!"

source - The Himalayan Times

Eat The Grass

A tramp decided he would shame Sardar into giving him some money, so he went on his hands and knees and began to eat the grass in Sardar's front garden.
Sardar stuck his head out the window and asked him what he was doing.
'I'm eating the grass,' said the tramp, 'because I am starving.'
'Come on in', said Sardar, " and I will let you into my back garden. The grass is much longer there. '

Shave my...

A man went into a barber's shop and asked the barber how much a haircut was.
'A pound,' said the barber.
'And how much for a shave?' asked the man.
'Fifty pence,' said the barber.
'Shave my head.' said the man.

Save Fare..

A Sardar's son burst into the house and said to his father, "Daddy, Daddy, I ran home behind the bus and saved ten pence."
The Sardar replied, "You could have done better son. You could have run home behind a taxi and saved fifty."

Drink EveryBody!

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter and says, "Drinks, everybody one me, even you bartender, put it on my tab." Every one got a drink and thanked the man. After a while the man says, "Drinks, everybody on me, even you bar tender. Put it on my tab." Everybody got their drinks and thanked the man. The bartender pulls the man to the side and asks him,"You know this is going to be a lot of money, can you pay for this?"
The man says,"NO" The bartender takes the man in the back, beats him up and throws him out the back door. The man brushes himself off, and goes back into the bar.
He sits down and says, "Drinks, everybody, on me. Except for you bartender, you don't know know how to act when you got drunk."

Counting Money Before...

Sardar had a toothache so he went to visit the dentist. As he sat nervously in the dentist's chair he fumbled in his pocket.
'There's no need to pay me in advance,' said the dentist.
'Well its not that at all, I'm just counting my money before you put me under gas.', replied the Sardar.

Better Smell

Sardar was taking his girlfriend for a drive on his motorbike. As they passed a hot dog stand she sighed,'My, those hot dogs smell nice.'
'Hold on a moment.' said Sardar gallantly.'I'll drive a little closer so you can get a better smell.'

Kicked Her Teeth

Sardar recieved Rs 50,000 for injuries recieved in a traffic accident while his wife recieved Rs 10,000.
'How badly injured was your wife?' a friend asked.
'Oh, my wife wasn't injured in the accident at all,' replied the Sardar,'but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the teeth before the police arrived.'

High Fare

Sardar asked a bus conductor how much the bus fare into the city was.
"Fifteen pence,' said the conductor.
Sardar thought this was a bit much so he decided to run behind the bus for few stops.
'How much is the fare now?' he panted, after running three stops behind the bus.
'Still fifteen pence,' said the conductor.
Sardar ran three further stops behind the bus and could just about manage to ask the conductor again what the fare was now.
'Twenty pence,'said the conductor. 'You're running in wrong direction.'

Depends On How Hard I KIck!

A football fan told his friend,'Even my dog watches all the matches with me. When my team wins it jumps up and down and claps its paws. When my team loses it somersaults.'
'How many somersaults?' asked his friend, impressed.
The fan replied, 'It depends on how hard I kick it.'

Sardar robbed

Sardar: Last night, a thief showed me a knife and robbed me off!
his friend: But you had a gun, where was it that time?
Sardar: Thank god! I had hidden it well, else the thief would take that too!

Hair Style

A guy walks in to the barber shop. The barber asks, "What will it be today?"
The guy says,"Well I want it going it with my waves on top, faded on one side, plug the other, and just make it all out of shape and messed up."
The barber says,"Now why in the world do you want your hair cut like that?"
Guy says, "That's how you cut it last time."

source- The Himalayan Times

Colour the duck

A kindergarten teacher handed out a colouring page to her class. ON it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck yellow and the umbrella green. But Bobby, the class rebel colored the duck in bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

Source- The Himalayan Times

Divorce

Being tired of their relationship a Sardar and his wife went for the divorce in the court.
Then the judge asks, "How will you divide the three children?"
Then the Sardar replied, "Okay! we will wait for next year and divide two, two...."

Bhroooommmm....Can you ride well?

There were two Sardars riding their bikes on a highway. The first sardar was a few metres ahead of the second Sardar. Then the second Sardar accelarates Bhrooooooooom.... and reaches at the level of first sardar and says,"look here, can you ride?".
Then the first sardar again acclerates bhroooooooooom.... and goes ahead.
Again the second sardar accelerates bhroooooooooom..... and reaches at the level of first sardar and says, "look here, can you ride?"
This turn by turn bhrooooommmmmm.... and bhrooommmmm continues. At last the second sardar falls down. Then the first sardar came near the fallen sardar and said, "Look paji, can't I ride better than you? Ha ha."
Then the second sardar say, "You should have said it before. I wanted to ask you how to apply brakes, if you could ride well."

I Am My Own Grandpa!

Many many years ago,
when I was twenty-three
I got married to a widow,
Pretty as could be,
This widow had a grown up daughter
with flowing hair of red
My father fell in lover with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
Now my daughter is my mother,
For she is my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father
of a bouncing baby boy,
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad,
And so became my uncle,
Thought it made me very sad
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown up daughter
Who, of course was my stepmother.

Confusing right? Go ahead.....

Father's wife than had a son,
who kept them on the run
And he became my grandson
For he was my daughter's son,
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother
Mean I am her grandchild.
And everytime I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strongest case you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa!

Ha! Ha! Ha!